Last night I realized as I was saying my bedtime prayers that I am praying for children for completely different things. And that each of those things was a prayer not just to change something about my children but to change or help something about me. For Megan, it's helping her overcome her fears and anxiety. For Abby it's teaching her what is appropriate and what's not. And for William it's to eat! Of course there are other things but those are the challenges that seem to predominate at this moment. And after I finished it hit me what a juggling act it is to be a mom. It's not just about physical juggling -- cleaning up the messes and breaking up the fights and giving love and attention and taking kids places and homework and etc. etc. It's about juggling multiple personalities (my own sometimes!) and emotional reactions and strengths and weaknesses -- all for the kids. And while they may just be working on one challenge at the moment, each child having just one challenge at a time means that I have three all at once! And that's just for them!!
Interestingly, after having that epiphany I did NOT feel overwhelmed. I felt kind've, exciting is the wrong word, but looking forward to the way these things will help me grow? It's really hard to put into words. Maybe that feeling of "I can do this -- let's go!" but without the excitement. That probably doesn't make any sense.
I also think that it's one of the reasons that the Lord asks us not to limit our families. What growth and opportunities do we miss out on if we choose a small family? And I say that knowing that people might be mad at me for saying that. And I'm not trying to judge others' decisions, I guess I'm trying to see the benefits of my own!
On Monday mornings we go walking with some friends. The girls always start out great but about halfway through the walk we're lagging a little bit behind . . . and a little more . . . and a little more. It turns into me walking alone with the kids and missing all the mom conversation -- every week. I hope that the ladies I walk with don't dread it though -- not being able to go at the pace they maybe want to. I really hope not -- because I still enjoy it. And today we came upon an entire field of Indian Paintbrush flowers and I let the girls run around and play and I tried to take pictures of the kids. But it was a beautiful morning and it was nice to take a moment and enjoy the beauty around us.
Because quite frankly, in Texas that beauty can be rather sparse!