Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Emotional Roller Coaster

It's funny the things that make me emotional and the things I don't care about at all.  Take baby clothes for instance.  I love them, primarily because they're little and cute, but I don't get too attached.  I have been in a purging mood and one of the things I decided to do was get rid of all my girl clothes.  I know, I know -- is this the end of girls in our family?  I actually don't know.  But the urge to purge is stronger than the urge to be prepared.  I guess we've had so many hand-me-downs up to now that I know if a girl were to come along again it wouldn't be an issue.  

But all these boxes and boxes of clothes are going into 2 piles:  1 for donation to whoever wants them (the advantage of being in a ward full of babies and pregnant women!) and 1 for keeping sort've.  That is one diaper box in which I've put mostly outfits that I've made and I plan to give to my sisters-in-law if they want them.  If not, at that point I'll donate them too!  The only thing I will keep for sure is the girls' blessing gown -- of course!  But the point of all this is that it's been fun to look at things and remember how cute the girls were, etc. but I have no desire to save, create a quilt, or frame ANY of these outfits.

On the flip side, I don't have a lot of time these days to dwell on the emotional side of this pregnancy.  I actually am really glad because it really has been more of a "regular" pregnancy for me and I am actually liking that fact.  But quiet moments are pretty dangerous -- in the shower (if the kids are still sleeping) or when I'm in the car by myself (which happens once in a blue moon).  

Funny story that illustrates how close to the surface my emotions are though -- on Saturday I went to the church to help with a dual ward service project called Operation Christmas Child (great project by the way!).  No kids so I took advantage and was listening to the radio.  A commercial for the next episode of The Amazing Race comes on.  That's a reality show where teams of two race around the world literally and complete challenges, etc.  The winning team wins 1 million dollars.  Chopper and I fell in love with the show in it's early seasons but haven't really watched it these last few years but have always wanted to be contestants.  Alas, children don't really make that possible at this point.  Anyway, I'm sitting in the car and my mind starts going -- maybe after Aaron is born we can get back in shape and try out for the show and maybe they'll take us because we'll need the money for his third heart surgery -- and I can see in my mind's eye Chopper and I crossing the finish line first and I just burst into tears.  After which I start laughing because seriously?  I'm crying over winning The Amazing Race.  Mentally.

It was the most random, unnecessary display of emotion because it's never going to happen.

But lately, that's how things work around here.  It's a roller coaster.  A tiring one.

No comments: