I've been low. Maybe it's the lack of playing outside (which would be further proof that I would NOT survive in a colder climate) or maybe it's just the excitement and activity of the holidays followed by . . . January. Whatever it is, I feel like I'm in a rut and haven't been a very good mom and I worry about it. A lot.
So yesterday on my way to the doctor I was thinking about how the day had been a witchy day for me. Particularly because Abby does NOT listen. In fact, she does pretty much exactly what you tell her not to do. It's so frustrating. And I thought about how Megan has not really had this issue. Child #2 has been so different from child #1 and wouldn't it be nice if all the problems were the same and by the time you got to child #3 and child #4 it was just old hat, no problem, I know exactly what to do to fix that problem.
And it occurred to me all of a sudden -- because each child has different issues and problems and ways in which I am frustrated in raising them, I am really able to love them. Doesn't that sound weird? But think about it -- if all of #4's issues are the same as 1, 2, and 3 then it really IS old hat. It's routine, it's same old same old, been there done that, you're all taken care of. But because each one is different and challenging and yes, wonderful, in their own way, I pray for each child individually and I worry about each child individually and I celebrate each child's successes and triumphs genuinely because it hasn't happened before.
I love them more each individually.
So I'm trying to remember that. Oh I'm sure I'll still have my witchy days. But it's something to think about.