Monday, October 20, 2014


Yesterday was our ward Primary program and both girls did great!  Abby was all smiles and said her part well and sang most of the songs.  Megan got up to the podium and said her part too!  You couldn't hear a single word she said and she stared at the microphone the entire time but it is a major accomplishment that she did that in front of the congregation.  Usually the idea of it starts her crying.

We also had a baby blessing in our ward yesterday and those still make me emotional.  Especially since Saturday (Aaron's 8 month birthday), Chopper was able to go visit his grave after a boy scout event and sent me pictures.  It looks really nice.  But one thing I will never be prepared for are the questions from my children.

Megan loves babies -- despite the fact that she and Abby have never taken to dolls, EVER, they both adore babies.  Two weeks ago in church she told me that she wants another baby and then asked me if I had one in my tummy since my tummy was bigger.  I didn't bother to explain to her that emotional eating has the same result!  Yesterday after the baby blessing and oohing and aahhing over the Lion King moment (but how I love those moments!), she turned to me and said -- "is he going to live?"  It's not the first time she's asked me that after a blessing.  Then last night she told Chopper she wants another baby and she wants a baby girl.  Chopper said -- well what if a baby was another little boy.  She responded with -- I don't want another boy, I want Aaron back.

I was unprepared for the navigation of my own children's healing in addition to my own.  I guess I figured that they're young enough that they would bounce back quickly -- and I think they have -- I think that I just forget that they miss him too.  And that Megan particularly has the memory of an elephant.  Which I love.  But it makes some days harder than others.

1 comment:

Alicia said...

Wow, those would be extremely hard moments as a parent. I took my three white roses (one for each miscarriage) as a visual aide for my lesson yesterday on patience and had a really hard time talking about it. In fact, I really couldn't because I got choked up and just said, "I learned patience" and then moved on. It was an interesting experience because during Sunday School we talked about the Atonement and how much longer it takes to heal emotionally than physically but how Christ suffered for both kinds of pain. I don't often dwell on my losses but yesterday I sure had a hard time. Praying for your healing. :)